Dear Melody,
Today you would be turning two months old. I remember when your brother turned two months old, I was just starting to feel more like myself again. We had sort of figured out a routine and we were starting to get the hang of taking care of a baby. I was looking forward to seeing what you would be like. Would you be an easy baby like Joseph or would you be the complete opposite?
I think we are sort of feeling back to ourselves this time too. I cry a lot less often than I used to, but I still can’t predict what will and won’t set me off. I haven’t gone in your room yet or gone back to your grave since we buried you. I just don’t like to think about my little girl being alone in the ground. I know you aren’t there, but I still don’t like the idea.
Whenever someone asks how we’re doing, I like to say we’re okay now, but ask again in five minutes. I say I don’t know how I’m able to function. I don’t understand how I’m not collapsed in a heap on the floor all day every day.
Philippians 4:4-7 says: Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice. Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
I don’t remember a time in my life where I felt that peace that passes understanding until we lost you. There are so many times I’ve thought to myself, “I should be a complete wreck right now, but I’m not.” It’s just an unexplainable peace that can only come from God.
I think at this point I am beginning to feel like we will be okay again someday. It’s still hard because whenever we eat dinner or go to church or play outside there’s always someone missing. There always will be someone missing. We love you so much, Melody. We wish you were here with us, but we’re thankful for the lessons your life and death have taught us.
Love, Mommy
Letters to Melody 